Grandson

I am blessed to be a grandma and live close enough to be a part of my grandson's life. I was there when the doctor frantically checked him out because he had been in the birth canal for 8 hours. He was red and wrinkly, chubby and healthy. He cried and won my full devotion.

All my life I had put up walls to love because I had been hurt by those who should have protected me, but when he came into my life all those walls came down. I have a vulnerability now that hurts a lot some times.

Like the time I was behind him and he fell from the top of the stairs in slow motion. I heard his head hit the bannister and his neck twisted like it was surely broken. It was my heart that broke while he got up without a bruise or broken bone. I don't like this part. I thought I would be more detached from grandchildren.

But aging has made me love more deeply and aging has taught me that life is painful. I want to protect him from pain just as much as I did my own kids. And back then I was too young and naive to think much about it. Now, I'm older and no longer naive. I have to learn to let go all over again. It's not as easy this time.