Saturday, July 02, 2005

Grandson

I am blessed to be a grandma and live close enough to be a part of my grandson's life. I was there when the doctor frantically checked him out because he had been in the birth canal for 8 hours. He was red and wrinkly, chubby and healthy. He cried and won my full devotion.

All my life I had put up walls to love because I had been hurt by those who should have protected me, but when he came into my life all those walls came down. I have a vulnerability now that hurts a lot some times.

Like the time I was behind him and he fell from the top of the stairs in slow motion. I heard his head hit the bannister and his neck twisted like it was surely broken. It was my heart that broke while he got up without a bruise or broken bone. I don't like this part. I thought I would be more detached from grandchildren.

But aging has made me love more deeply and aging has taught me that life is painful. I want to protect him from pain just as much as I did my own kids. And back then I was too young and naive to think much about it. Now, I'm older and no longer naive. I have to learn to let go all over again. It's not as easy this time.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Providence

Do we want a fluffy God who fits our idea of what a God should be? Or do we want to know the God whose ways are not like ours and whose ways are often beyond our understanding? We can resist this God and argue about his character, but it will not change the nature of the one, true God. We cannot design God for our purposes, especially with our limited understanding. If we are to know the only, true God then we must discard our flimsy ways of thinking and learn to think His way as He reveals that way to us in His Word.

The God of the Bible is holy and we rarely consider his holiness. Because when we do, we see ourselves as the sinful, selfish, worldly beings that we always are.

The God of the Bible is sovereign over all. That means the good and the bad and the ugly. He doesn’t just use events or allow events, He controls them. This is the hardest truth of all because we want to think of the loving God and not a God who is just or gets angry with our sin and yes, even sinful man. This God’s perspective is eternal not transitory, like ours which is based upon our current sojourn on earth.

I’m coming to terms with this part of God’s sovereignty as the possibility looms that my daughter, her husband and 3 year old son may move twelve hours away from us to a part of the country that seems foreign to me. She has been within forty-five minutes or less than 2 hours away since her little boy was born. I was in the delivery room when he was born and as I watched the doctors look him over after the traumatic delivery I bonded with him in a way I couldn’t have imagined. He is as precious to me as my own children. I have delighted in watching him grow and spending lots of time with him. But now if they move that will be gone from my routine. And just when he is really starting to communicate and become a little self with a personality of his own. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t seem fair.

But then I look at Ruth. She gave up her family and make a commitment to follow Naomi leaving her family forever. Her vow was to stay in Naomi’s homeland even after Naomi died. That is a vow stronger than marriage. God blessed Ruth for clinging to Him when the future looked hopeless. Naomi told her that there were no prospects for marriage and a widow alone was destined for poverty. Ruth gave up every thing for the lonely old woman and her God. She believed in God’s plan and trusted Him for her needs.

It’s been a struggle for me to know how to respond to my daughter’s questions, “Will you be all right, Mom? “ With all my heart I want to say, “No, please don’t go.” But inside I muster up a little faith and say, “I’ll survive. I’ll be sad, but I’ll survive.” I switch back and forth between responses and I worry that she will say something that will prompt the wrong response from me.

Ruth is teaching me that God could call my daughter to a foreign place and if I interfered that I would be hindering the very good plan of God. I want my daughter to learn to take refuge under the wings of God and maybe going far from home will draw her farther into the arms of God. For the message of Truth is that God longs for us to seek refuge with Him and to look to Him first for all that we need.

It’s also showing me that what appears to be a horrible plan could in fact be a very good gift from God. The world would say why should a country girl move to the city far from her best friend and family. Ruth would say that just might be my daughter’s land of Judah where she learns how to seek shelter in God.

Not only does God meet Ruth’s need, but at the end of the story Naomi’s joy is restored and she raises a little boy who is part of the lineage of Christ.

John Piper calls this the “merciful providence of God.” All happenings , however sorrowful or seemingly illogical, are guided by God and in God’s perspective considered good gifts because they change us and mold us into what he wants us to be. If the sinless Christ suffered, why should our lives as Christians be any different?

There’s a poem that talks about receiving a gift from God in the form of a thorn. The poem by Martha Snell Nicholson ends by saying, “God used the thorn to pin aside the veil that hides the face of God.” And how I want my daughter to be able to see the face of God. See this link for John Piper's complete sermon: http://www.desiringgod.org/library/sermons/01/051301.html

As a godly mom I want to have faith in God’s “merciful providence.” I want to anticipate that His plans for my children are good no matter how they appear on the surface. And I believe He will honor me as well for seeking shelter beneath his wings when these plans seem like dreams going out the window.

The truth of scripture is that God rewards us for seeking Him as Ruth declares, “The Lord repay you for what you have done and full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have taken refuge.” Ruth 2: 12 ESV. I can trust God that wherever my daughter goes it will be by the providence of God. I want to find rest and peace in that truth each day.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91: 1, 2 ESV. Read the rest of the chapter!

Monday, January 24, 2005

Hold Me Tight

There’s a song I like by Rich Mullins that says, “Hold me, Jesus, cause I’m shaking like a leaf.” I’ve always been fearful of many things: strangers, weather and the unknown. But I’m learning to trust in Jesus because when I fall down there is always someone to pick me up. And not a someone who just happens to be there, but a someone who loves me and controls the events in my world.

The other day my little grandson visited my office full of strangers, at least to him. All the time he was meeting new people and talking to them, he was holding tight to my hand. By his voice and his answers to questions he sounded at ease and like he was having fun. But the grip on my hand suggested otherwise. He was stronger because he had someone who loved him to hold onto- someone he trusted and knew to be there no matter what happened in the middle of these strangers.

I want to be like that with God. I want to hold on tight, trusting Him in every step to be there with me. I want this trust to cause me to obey Him with abandonment and joy.

With the abandonment of the little child who takes a hold of my hand not having any idea where I am going to lead him, but talking excitedly the whole way and looking forward to whatever happens next, because he trusts me to lead him to a good place.


With the joy of the trusting little boy who climbs into my lap and rests there completely, full of joy and delight in this secure place where we laugh, talk, read and pray together. He watches out the window when he knows that I am coming. When he sees me after a few days’ absence he smiles and runs to meet me for a hug. I want always to have this anticipation for my Father.

Like Moses in the wilderness, I want to trust in the Presence who goes before me. I want to learn from the Israelites and stay away from the paths of idolatry and selfishness. I want to trust in the Father who cares for us, holding on tight even though I’m usually “shaking like a leaf.”

“Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them…My people are bent on turning away from me… My compassion grows warm and tender…I will heal their apostasy; I will love them freely; for my anger has turned from them. I will be like a dew to Israel; he shall blossom like the lily; he shall take root like the trees of Lebanon…O Ephraim what have I to do with idols? It is I who answer and look after you…Whoever is wise , let him understand these things;… for the ways of the Lord are right.” From Hosea, ESV

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” Psalm 107:9, ESV