Sandwiched

My husband and I recently repaid our parent loans for our children's college. That ended twelve years of monthly payments to various financial institutions- a huge relief. The respite didn't last long as we realized that my mom needed a home. So now she is moving in with us before winter comes.

For some reason it seems like a good idea, not something that we have to do out of honor or duty. We're making plans for fixing up our old house and adding bird feeders along the porch. Mom and I are signed up to go to a writer's conference and we're going to cook and workout together. I'm looking forward to the time together. My mom is somewhat like my chocolate lab: I can say anything to her or ignore her for days. But when I call her she's still my mom, faithful and responsive.

I think I like being in the middle because I have a little wisdom and experience, but yet I still have time to learn and change the pattern of my life. I know that it won't be long before my children will be sandwiched in between me and their children. But for now I like being in the middle.

Multi-tasking

Perhaps you wonder why I don't blog every day. While I uploaded the latest picture I swept my living room and ate my bedtime snack. The speed of my dial up allows me plenty of time to do other things. At 9.6k to 20k my connection speed is prehistoric. If you have broadband your connection is 17 times faster than my average connection speed of 14.8 kbits. The only alternative I have seems to be broadband satellite at a $100 a month. I think I'll go watch the trees grow while this current post publishes.

Broadband speeds

I hope you dance

I loved watching you dance with your little boy a couple of years ago when I took this picture. The joy in you is living in him now. You've given up a career, a masters and time alone to be a stay at home mom. While your little baby thinks that you are the only person in the world it's hard for you to get away from his constant demands. The pictures on my desk show two smiling faces of the little boys that take up the time in your days and leave you tired at night. Their personalities are nurtured and secure in your love. But you will be blessed when you look back and remember the time that you gave for the love of your children. The memories will be sweet and the boredom will be forgotten as you watch them grow up and they become attached to someone else. And then you will dance and dance and dance again for the joy of it all.

Big Sister

When I was growing up I wanted to be just like my big sister(she's the one with the fancy glasses and fancy hairdo; I'm the nerdy one with the scarf). She was smart, pretty and social. She had a lot of friends and did real well in math. She's the reason I like math, too. I was always shy and stayed in the background observing how my sister ventured out into the world as a teenager. She dated some good looking guys and hung out with all of the popular kids. The four of us would watch behind the curtains as she kissed her date goodnight.

In many ways she was mom to me as well because she's six years older. She always made sure the four of us younger ones stayed out of trouble. She made a huge sacrifice for a little kid herself, but she always had a good heart about it. I don't remember her ever lording it over us that she was older. She was a good big sister to four rowdy kids. If she ever resented the fact that we stole her childhood from her I've never known about it.

She always gives me a sense of balance because she remembers the good days. The days when there were seven of us piling into the car to go for a ride in the mountains. She remembers when dad painted our bedrooms crazy shades of red just for the fun of it. She remembers my dad bouncing me on his knee and playing checkers on the floor. She can tell me all about the rabbits, dogs and even an aligator in the bathtub. She understands why it was so hard for me to let go of dad and how angry I was at God for taking him away.

There are wasted years in between then and now and times we didn't agree. But God has been good to us and put us on the same path. We share a deep desire to know the God that we used to blame for all the pain. There are things we say to each other and the other answers, "I know" in a way no one else but a sister could know. God is good to us to give us a faith to share and good memories along with the sorrow.

For all of the stories of times I will never be able to remember my big sister reminds me that the first few years of my life were good and happy and fun and normal. And all I've ever wished for was a time in my childhood where I could say we were a normal family with two parents, a dog and some kids. She reminds me that we had all of that and more: a God who was there keeping his hand on us and guiding us in this strange world where joy can turn to sorrow and sorrow can turn to joy.

For Katie

"In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory...I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead..." Ephesians 1:14-20 ESV

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of JAcob is our fortress. "Psalm 46:10,11 ESV