Light and What if’s

A few weeks ago I was watching my grandsons and had planned on bringing the 4 year-old back home with me. The drive is an hour long, my husband was far away in Paraguay and it was supposed to be the coldest night of the winter. I really didn’t feel like driving, but I didn’t want to disappoint my grandson. So I asked him if we should stay at his house and leave in the morning. He looked at me and said, “Grandma, Jesus is a light for our path and a lamp to our feet.” There was nothing I could do but drive my innocent, trusting little grandson to my house in the cold, dark night.

This little guy reminds me how important it is to be brave for him and teach him to trust. Especially because my family has four generations that has battled fear of the world. I remember getting home with my mom at night and we had to sit in the car and look over that house to make sure there were no burglars around before we went inside. Even last week my mom said she doesn’t take walks because she’s afraid that someone will come into her house while she’s outside. I struggle with these same thoughts.

Before I left town last weekend I cut up all my passwords and hid my credit cards. I have a dog for the most part because I’m afraid to be by myself when my husband is out of town.
I was a little scared to drive my mom and a dog I didn’t know all the way across two states (a twelve hour drive). In fact I almost panicked the morning we were going to leave. The what if’s starting ruining the trip: what if my mom stops breathing on the trip. She’s 82 and I don’t know a thing about CPR. What if the dog jumps out of the car and won’t come back. What if we have an accident and the dog and my mom die or ME?

But the truth returned to my thoughts. Scary things can happen, but God is always with me lighting the way and guiding my path. If I gave in to the panic I would have missed out on a beautiful, grace-filled trip: one I will remember all of my life because I saw my son love my mom in a gentle, kind way. I learned a lot about patience watching him with her as she does everything so slowly now. God was speaking to be everywhere that weekend about so many things: slow down, enjoy my aging quirky mom, keep working with my own church to bring Christ-centered worship there. I saw the fire in my son’s heart to do something good and rewarding. I saw again how God answered my prayers long ago to put my son in a truthful place. But above all I know that I am blessed beyond expression in this life that God has given to me.

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:3 ESV