Big Sister

When I was growing up I wanted to be just like my big sister(she's the one with the fancy glasses and fancy hairdo; I'm the nerdy one with the scarf). She was smart, pretty and social. She had a lot of friends and did real well in math. She's the reason I like math, too. I was always shy and stayed in the background observing how my sister ventured out into the world as a teenager. She dated some good looking guys and hung out with all of the popular kids. The four of us would watch behind the curtains as she kissed her date goodnight.

In many ways she was mom to me as well because she's six years older. She always made sure the four of us younger ones stayed out of trouble. She made a huge sacrifice for a little kid herself, but she always had a good heart about it. I don't remember her ever lording it over us that she was older. She was a good big sister to four rowdy kids. If she ever resented the fact that we stole her childhood from her I've never known about it.

She always gives me a sense of balance because she remembers the good days. The days when there were seven of us piling into the car to go for a ride in the mountains. She remembers when dad painted our bedrooms crazy shades of red just for the fun of it. She remembers my dad bouncing me on his knee and playing checkers on the floor. She can tell me all about the rabbits, dogs and even an aligator in the bathtub. She understands why it was so hard for me to let go of dad and how angry I was at God for taking him away.

There are wasted years in between then and now and times we didn't agree. But God has been good to us and put us on the same path. We share a deep desire to know the God that we used to blame for all the pain. There are things we say to each other and the other answers, "I know" in a way no one else but a sister could know. God is good to us to give us a faith to share and good memories along with the sorrow.

For all of the stories of times I will never be able to remember my big sister reminds me that the first few years of my life were good and happy and fun and normal. And all I've ever wished for was a time in my childhood where I could say we were a normal family with two parents, a dog and some kids. She reminds me that we had all of that and more: a God who was there keeping his hand on us and guiding us in this strange world where joy can turn to sorrow and sorrow can turn to joy.

For Katie

"In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory...I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead..." Ephesians 1:14-20 ESV

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of JAcob is our fortress. "Psalm 46:10,11 ESV

God's Kindness

I got lost in the desert for about 40 years. I went to church; I prayed; sometimes, I read the Word. I rarely thought about sin and I was miserable. I thought I was a Christian. But now I don’t know.

When my life seemed to be the best ever, I was still miserable. I had just graduated from college. I had good, smart kids (and cute, too, as you can see on this site) and a good husband. We were doing well in life. But I was still miserable. In that misery, God reminded me that I had wandered away from him and had let others and things take his place. He taught me to repent and helped me to see the anger towards him, a hatred in my soul towards some in my past, and an idolatrous attachment to people. That was 15 years ago next month.

God is replacing my anger with joy and a passion for him. But along with that he is always leading me back to repentance over and over for the same attitudes, the same ways of looking at the world. I can fake a pretty good Christian. He helps me to repent of that, too. He helps me to confess to my Christian friend the awful sin still in my life: how I put people down and work towards my own gain, especially at work. And my laziness and lack of desire for God.

In his book, “When I Don’t Desire God, How to Fight for Joy,” John Piper says that part of the mystery of joy is that “we are commanded to do what we cannot do. And we must do it or perish. Our inability does not remove our guilt-- it deepens it. We are so bad that we cannot love God. We cannot delight in God above all things. We cannot treasure Christ above money. Our entrenched badness does not make it wrong for God to command us to be good. We ought to delight in God above all things. Therefore it is right for God to command us to delight in God above all things. And if we ever do delight in God, it will be because we have obeyed this command.

That is the mystery: we must obey the command to rejoice in the Lord, and we cannot, because of our willful and culpable corruption. Therefore, obedience, when it happens, is a gift…St Augustine prayed, ‘Give me the grace to do as you command, and command me to do what you will…O holy God… when your commands are obeyed, it is from you that we receive the power to obey them….We must delight in God. And only God can change our hearts so that we delight in God. We are thrown back on God utterly. The Christian life is all of grace.” copyright 2004 Desiring God Foundation

see Rom 11:36, Ps 51:12, 90:14 and Rom 15:13

If you are not passionate about Christ perhaps you have not repented or are not living a repentant life. Repentance is seeing your sin the way that God sees it for all of it’s ugliness and the reason Christ suffered and died. Repentance is committing to changing your heart and mind and actions. Repentance is remembering the One who took my sin on his back and treasuring him in my heart. Repentance is knowing that I can do nothing of any worth on my own.

As John Piper says above, "life is all of grace." It’s God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Pray for his kindness to lead you to repentance.

The Israelites wandered in the wilderness because they did worshipped other things. They did not repent and their hearts became hard. Today we have so many distractions that make us wander around lost: families, work, TV, sports and keeping up with all the new inventions. It doesn’t take long for God’s calling on our life to be drowned out by all of these other interests. Gradually our hearts harden towards God. We barely notice the difference and it's why we don't stand out in the world. We become too comfortable with our lives. God calls us to stop wandering in this useless way. It's robbing us of our delight and passion for God.

“Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.” Hosea 11:3,4 ESV

God, draw us to you and into repentance for every sin that causes us to turn away from you. Keep us from wandering in the desert and lead us to your streams of living water.

Saintly Work

I've been researching some of the topics in the lastest controversy, The Da Vince Code by Dan Brown. I found about this group the Catholics have which is actually a good idea at least how this article describes Opus Dei. While I don't agree with everything in the description, the idea of "be a saint through your work" appeals to me right now, because I'd rather be doing other things ( playing with grandsons or writing. And work is one of the hardest places to be a saint.)

"all Christians are called to a life of holiness consistent with their new nature as children of God. "The majority of Christians," Escrivá writes, "should sanctify themselves in the world, through ordinary work." Thus they follow Jesus who worked as a carpenter and lived as a son in a Jewish family in a small village for 30 years. "

Sanctifying work

Whatever work Christians do is to be done with a spirit of excellence as an effective service for the needs of society, working out of love for God and all men and women. Their work then becomes a fitting offering to God. In his work of service, Jesus Christ "did all things well" (Mk 7:37).

While I'm not sure if we can sanctify ourselves(I'll let that research up to theologians), I like the idea of "ordinary work" having meaning as done out of love for God and others.

The last point is that it's too bad that Dan Brown took a good thing and made it evil. He also used an evil thing to make Silas even more grotesque. I've tried reading this book so that I can interact with my work friends about the movie, but I can't get myself to read a book that distorts Christianity and Christ in such an abhorrent way.

This was the first Easter I really celebrated all that Christ accomplished and I'm not ready to come back to this world where truth is giving way to the imagined.

Mark D Roberts on the book, The DaVinci Code

I Come Quietly to Meet You by Amy Carmichael

I'm reading this short little book about Amy Carmichael edited by David Hazard. An excerpt follows:

"The Lord spoke to me, like a firm grasp of the hand." Isaiah 8:11, Rotherham

"Blessed be the Lord our God, who does--if we speak the honest truth-- cause his word to come to us in just this way: like a strong hand reaching out for us to take hold of firmly, and to take hold of us.

Sometimes this firm grasp comes as He opens our understanding to a single word. His hand has grasped me, in recent days, as my understanding opens up to the word trust.

Trust, I have learned, means: to lean on, to place the weight of my confidence upon...And after this discovery, I've found many verses in the Psalms that provide great comfort when translated in this way. For instance, "I've trusted in [leaned on, placed confidence in] your lovingkindness" (Psalm 13:5).

So I may say: That lovingkindness has loved me with an everlasting love, which forgives and cleanses and will never tire of me-that lovingkindness, Lord, I lean on.

We know that this is not objectionable to the Lord, that He in fact welcomes it. As David sang:"The Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who leans on him." (Psalm 32:10)

Doesn't this tell us something about the love of God--and isn't it just like Him to let us know that He wants us to lean on, not only his lovingkindness, but on his very self? Consider these words, which will further open your understanding:

Whoever leans on the Lord, happy is he. Proverbs 16:20

I will lean, and not be afraid. (Isaiah 12:2)

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace...because he leans on thee...Lean on the Lord forever: for the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength. (Isaiah 26:3,4 KJV)

It is never anything in us that accounts for the Lord's goodness to us. Everything we are given is all from Him."

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart leans on him and I am helped. Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

copyright 1991,2005 by David Hazard, Bethany House Publishers, p.15-16